Conference Championship Weekend: There’s Nothing Left to Say

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Respectful tummy touch

Respectful tummy touch

We’ve never had a better Conference Champion Round in NFL history! Superlatives! Superlatives! Superlatives! I went to write about this weekend’s games earlier this week, but then I checked the interwebs and found that every possible thing that can be said about these games has already been said. And rightly so. Seahawks versus 49ers and Broncos versus Patriots is pretty much the best case scenario. If this weekend’s action was a meal, it would be filet mignon, the world’s best mashed potatoes, and better-than-sex cake. If this weekend’s action was a movie, it would star Bill Murray. That’s it — I’m a really big Bill Murray fan.

Who cares if there’s nothing left to say — let’s get to it. Last week I went 3-1, bringing my playoff total to 6-2 (and 6-1 if you don’t count my obvious reverse jinx to help the Pats).

Patriots at Broncos
In both of these games, I would feel confident picking the lower seeded team if the game was played on a neutral field. As it is, both games literally feel like coin flips. However, since Tom Brady is undefeated in playoff games where he is more than a three point underdog, and since Tom Brady owns a 10-4 record against Peyton OMAHA Manning, and since Belichick is excellent at game-planning for Manning, I simply gotta go with the Broncos. (To clarify: When you literally can’t decide, you always go with the outcome you don’t want, to ensure at least some level of satisfaction. In other words, I have zero journalistic credibility. I apologize if you’re just now realizing this.) By the way, I’ve thought about this quite a bit, and I’ve concluded the funniest fight in football history would be a Peyton Manning vs. Tom Brady fisticuff brawl. I dare you to come up with a funnier fight.
The pick: Broncos 27 Patriots 24 
Special bonus pick: Neither Manning nor Brady would win the fight 

49ers at Seahawks
I’m a firm believer in playoff momentum. I’m also a firm believer in good coaching in the NFL, as well as hot quarterback play. All of this lends itself to the idea that the 49ers are shoe ins to win on Sunday. But have you seen that Seahawks crowd? Or rather, have you heard them? Even though much of the time they’re just obnoxious, and even though I can’t shake the feeling that the only thing Seahawks fans like more than the Seahawks is Seahawks fans, it does feel impossible to discount their effectiveness. On the other hand, the Seahawks did lose to the Cardinals at home in Week 16, after Carson Palm-to-the-head Palmer threw the Seahawks four interceptions. Hmmm …
The pick: 49ers 27 Seahawks 21


Bryson Kearl wrote this post. He thinks he’s good at predicting football games, but only God knows what the future holds.

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