Utah Fans Claim Big 12 Not A BCS Conference

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Utah Fans Claim Big 12 Not A BCS Conference

Is the Big 12 even any good? Is this picture too big?

As rumors swirl about a potential merger between BYU and the Big 12, Utah fans are now claiming that The Big 12 is actually not even a BCS conference.

“It’s a sham!” says self-appointed Crimson Club spokesman and Salt Lake resident Matt Garrity. “I mean, the Big 12 has no credibility anymore. They’re not even a BCS conference. BYU sucks.”

Where does this rumor come from? Despite Garrity’s (and other Utah fans’) assertions, it appears that the Big 12 is still affiliated with the BCS. It also appears that BYU will very likely be announcing their membership in the conference in the coming days, according to multiple sources.

However, Jonathan Hanson, a Cottonwood Heights resident and Utah fan since 1993, is adamant that the announcement is of little importance since the Big 12 is so bad. “Who cares what they’re announcing; the Big 12 isn’t a BCS conference—they’re horrible ….I mean, what has BYU done since Detmer won the Heisman? Nothing.”

When asked to clarify, Hanson said, “Well …are Big 12 teams even research schools? ‘Cause if they’re not … I mean ….Look, two words for you: 54-10. Or how about 34-31?  Just get away from me!”

It is still unclear where this allegation stems from, but Utah fans remain certain of it. So much so that Tyler Dicks, an entrepreneur in Draper, has made good business out of it. He owns an online sticker company, and his most popular sticker makes fun of both BYU and the Big 12.

“It’s bizarre,” says Dicks. “For months our best seller was a red ‘Utah/Pac 12’ sticker. This past week we decided to make some ‘Big 12/BYU’ stickers in case the rumors are true, but our intern accidentally printed them ‘Big 12/YBU.’” Dicks laughed and continued, “He took a picture of his mistake, put it on Facebook, and within the hour we started getting requests by the boatload from Utah fans. Is it boatload or buttload? I never remember.”

Brock O’Connor, a Crimson Club member who proudly claims he’s poured beer on at least two dozen BYU fans offers a unique perspective on conference affiliation. “Disregard any ‘BYU to the Big 12’ rumors. Conference affiliations don’t matter, anyway. Beating your rival matters. Not that BYU is even Utah’s rival anymore, ‘cause they’re not. We’re in the Pac [freaking] 12, we’ve moved on. Big 12 Schmig 12. And if I want a beer, I’m going to drink a beer. It’s a free country, you stupid zoobies!”

Josh Soni, a diehard Utah fan out of Murray is certain that history will confirm that the Big 12 isn’t a legitimate BCS conference, regardless of any evidence to the contrary. “Listen, the last time they even won a national championship was way back in 2006, when Texas beat a USC team that we all know was cheating. So you can’t count that.”

When we pointed out that that very same USC team was the last Pac 10 team to win a title Soni replied, “Yeah, but everyone cheats; the NCAA is so stupid ….BYU is overrated every [freaking] year!”

Again, where are these rumors about the Big 12 coming from? Nobody knows for sure. But Shawn Allen, a Utah alum and editor of the popular Utah football blog “Max Hall Hates My Mom,” is convinced the official announcement that the Big 12 isn’t a BCS conference will come within the week.

“Any day now,” Allen explains. “My sources say the Big 12 is out. It’s over. I mean, BYU beat a super weak Michigan team in the ’84 Holiday Bowl. You can’t honestly say they were the national champions. Come on.”

As of this posting neither rumor has been confirmed.

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Bryson Kearl likes to make fake news.  Go here to find out how to see him perform stand up on October 22.

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